Diary of an MBA
Dear Diary,I can't hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!!
And I like it already.
"Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice Chairman -
Manufacturing" . My dad was thrilled when he heard my
designation.
"What the f!@#!!!" were his exact words. Oh I love it
when my parents are happy...
Need to meet HR in half an hour. I can't wait to get
my first Employee ID Card and cubicle. I hope
Parthasarathy Whatayblouse Crappers (PWC) is the
beginning of great things.
P.S. I have brought my favorite textbooks back from
the institute OD, OM and HR should help me grow
rapidly in the organization. And I WILL handle soft
issues before facing hard issues here at PWC.
July 28th
Dear Diary,
Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had
recruited me had left a month ago. So they didn't know
I was joining. We had a hearty laugh over that one.
I'll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time
being I am sharing a nice one with Claire. She's with
Corporate Communication.
The phone doesn't work though...
August 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met my boss today. He spent a lot of time with my CV
and then asked me how I managed to get a job with
them. (Even he knows how lucky they are to get me..)
He told me to review our material ordering system in
the err... umm... the... the "big yellow and blue
noisy machine section" of the plant.
Claire is working on an "Our Employees Love Us"
campaign. The office boy had just resigned. So she got
me to pose with an apron and a tray of cookies for a
photo. They are going to call me Ramon and use it for
ads. I am going to be famous.
August 7th
Dear Diary,
My first breakthrough. I have decided to order nickel
ball bearings using the EQO.. QEO... whatever formula.
It takes into account item cost, holding cost and
weight of ball bearing I think. The purchase guy gave
me a funny look when he saw my annual requisition
contract form. He is obviously not an MBA...
Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the
"Our Employees Love Us" campaign.
P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of a
ball bearing. It has to be in whole numbers.
August 11th
Dear Diary,
I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I checked
up with Engineering.
They said that should be enough for around 14 years of
requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest
in a cupboard in my room. If prices of ball bearings
go up, I see a lot of potential savings.
I have decided to develop informal channels of
communication. From tomorrow I will spend a little
time next to the coffee machine to understand the
unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.
(That OD book is good)
August 14th
Dear Diary,
I sent my first official letter today. It was to our
Facilities manager Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I
told her that the Coffee Machine takes too much time
to reheat between refills. Wrote it in a WAC format
and all with a table of contents and everything. She
is sure going to be impressed!! I spell checked it in
MS word and emailed it to her an hour ago. No reply
yet.
They scrapped the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign.
The photo shoot was taking up too much time, and
people were being forced to stay late without extra
pay. Someone finally went and vandalised the banner.
It now reads "Our Employers Shove Us". I offered to
model for all the snaps and videos. They called me a
dickhead. I was delighted. Dickhead is internal slang
for "Big Stud". HR told me. Everyone calls me that...
P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again
4384. The contract can't be changed now. I dont have
too much space left in my cupboard.
August 25th
Dear Diary,
My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from
Merry. "Please proofread" it said. It was CC'd to my
boss. How was I supposed to know MS Word would spell
check her name and change it to Merry Lesbian????! !!!
Where's natural justice?
Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard door
broke open. It took me ten minutes to pick up all the
ball bearings from the floor. I had to run to the
board room for the meeting and slipped on a bearing
which rolled under the door. I fell on the coffee
machine and tipped coffee powder into the polymer
mixing matching tray. No one saw anything.
P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed.
There was a mail from an old friend. She's now married
into the Welchia family I think.
Crashed after that. Strange name that Welchia...
September 2nd
Dear Diary,
My boss told me I may not last the probation period. I
was mighty thrilled to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent
in less than three months!!
That should be some sort of company record.
I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some
300 people were there. I think I sent good vibes.
Everyone was smiling and nodding their heads during
the presentation. Someone later told me my fly was
open the whole time. But I don't think anyone noticed.
The presentation was on "An Open Culture: Let the
feeling show!!"
p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give
each employee a ball bearing for every year of
service. The HR manager immediately convened a meeting
with my boss. Every suggestion counts here at PWC.
September 4th
Dear Diary,
I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan
Africa . I will be heading the Room Heater and Hot
Water Geyser products division. They have also told me
to pay for all the ball bearings I bought. I think it
speaks much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have been
told to leave immediately for Kujumbinana.
P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!
September 5th
Dear Diary,
I am in Kujumbinana. We don't have a branch here...
posted by Gaurav Malik @ 5:18 am
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